Dear Me...

At 22, I'm getting ready to enter the real world after college. But first I felt that there were a few things I'd like to set straight with my younger self before I headed out into the "real world."

Dear 15-year old Nick,

Congratulations on making the freshman basketball team, but I suggest quitting while you’re ahead. Your 27% free-throw mark won’t be something to tell the grandkids about.

Anyway, I’m just writing to tell you what to expect in the next seven years.

First order of business, just because your girlfriend bought you the Led Zeppelin Greatest Hits Vol. 1 CD for your birthday, doesn’t mean she won’t dump you soon. This would have been different if she had also bought you Vol. 2. You should have seen that one coming.

Secondly, throw out all of your denim shorts within the next four years. Soon they will no longer be considered cool. Well, not that they ever were. But now people are really offended by them. They call them j’orts.

Next up, try really hard to hide the fact that you work at McDonald’s. If that means telling people that the golden arches on your shirt are some sort of religious symbol, do it.
On a related note, when you are 18 you will be demoted from cashier to burger flipper because you threw a McMuffin wrapper at a mean customer. Advice: Do this on your first day, thereby saving yourself two years of embarrassment.

Okay, this one is huge. Trying to use the horrendous scar on your elbow as a way to impress the opposite sex may have worked in fifth grade when girls thought stuff like that was cool. Now it’s just gross. Stop soon.

Unless you want screws in your knee, do not go after the lazy fly ball in May of 2001. Let the centerfielder catch it even though he didn’t call you off.

In about a year from now, the Patriots will win the Super Bowl. Read that one a few more times and let it sink in. Unfortunately, however, your Drew Bledsoe autographed note card will prove to be worthless. Also, Peyton Manning WILL win a Super Bowl. This will disgust you, but with time you will recover.

Don’t worry, the boy-band craze is almost over. And you were right about Lance Bass.

You will get your own cell phone soon. So don’t spend your money on that rip off one from Wal-Mart that you buy minutes for.

During your junior year you will be driving to school with your windshield frosted up and the sun in your face. Don’t drive with your head out the window. It will seem cool until you end up in a snow bank half a mile from school.

Ah, and now the college years. These will be some good times, so not much to worry about here.

First of all, do not apply anywhere else. Springfield College was a great choice. They even give you a card that you can use to get pizza from Domino’s with.

A video game called “Guitar Hero” will sweep the nation while you are in school. It’s going to look so awesome. But I’m here to give it to you straight: This game is not for you. The good news is that you can still drum on a dashboard like nobody’s business.

I know that you’re upset that Fresh Prince ended while you were in middle school. Luckily, by the time you graduate college, Nick-at-Nite will play episodes of this show so many times that you will start calling lines before they happen. This will scare you.

When you meet your roommate, do not be afraid. He may be a muscular freak with skull earrings who listens to death metal, but he’s not a bad dude. He is also the reason you should never play Guitar Hero. He will destroy you at it. For fun, throw things at him from across the room. He cannot catch and they will hit him in the face.

Do not become a tour guide. You will fall backwards over a bench in front of 30 people.

A show better than Fresh Prince will come out. You will develop a severe obsession with it and will often annoy your friends by quoting it in everyday situations. It’s called The Office.

Bad news: You will live with a Dolphins fan for one year. Good news: That same year the Dolphins will win one game and the Patriots will go undefeated.

If you want to sled down Rally Hill at 3 a.m., be sure to set your alarm for 8 a.m. that same day in order to bring your friend to the hospital.

Do not eat the pizza at Cheney Hall. Do eat the pizza at the Beveridge Center.

Well I guess that’s all for now. Hurry up and finish that order of Big Macs like a champ.

Sincerely,

22-year old Nick

P.S. I just got a letter from 80-year old Nick. He’s doing well and says that the Hartford Patriots just won their 12th Super Bowl. The MVP was a quarterback named Brady Belichick. Doesn’t sound familiar? It will soon.

Year in Review

Nick's 1st Annual Year's Best in Sports, the 2007 edition.

Award: Best postgame meltdown
Winner: Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State Football

If you have not laughed to tears every time you hear Gundy scream, "I'm a man! I'm 40!" then you have no soul.

Award: Best attempt at being a legitimate team
Winner: Colorado Rockies

The only players anyone on this team will remember is Troy Tulowitzki, well, because his last name is Tulowitzki.

Award: Best coach who also tried to shoot a guy
Winner: Bob Knight

Knight has previously won awards for, "Best coach who also choked a guy", "Best coach who also threw a chair at a guy" and "Best coach who also smacked a player in the face". He is a front-runner for next year's "Best coach who no one thought would actually kill somebody, but ended up actually killing somebody" award.

Award: Best attempt by a team to get its coach fired
Winner: Michigan football

Yes, the Wolverines may have made nice-nice with Lloyd Carr, winner of five Big Ten titles and a national championship, by carrying him off the field after beating Florida on New Year's Day. But losing to Appalachian State in the Big House to open the season was a good way to send a message. In case he didn't get it, they lost to Oregon at home on the following weekend. Nice.

Award: Best golfer who also looks like Joaquin Phoenix
Winner: Zach Johnson

This guy appeared to come out of nowhere to win the 2007 Masters'. But in the words of George W. Bush, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again. We all know that Johnson is really the same guy that starred as the man in black.

Award: Best named college to also be defeated by a team that made 15 laterals in one play
Winner: Millsaps

This school is named Millsaps...enough said.

Award: Best safety who also stomped on an opponent's head to be drafted by a 16-0 NFL team
Winner: Brandon Meriweather

This guy should join Pac Man Jones (see Best safety who is also addicted strip clubs) in the professional wrestling ranks. But I'll keep him on the Pats for now.

Perhaps more later...until now...signing off.

Bored...

Hey all, bored at the Courant tonight. Three of us on, not too much high school stuff. Good thing there's some football on and whatnot. Right now I'm watching the Redskins and hoping they pull this one off. I think they've got a good shot at getting to the NFC title game. You've got to feel good about their story this year.



Anyway, I'm getting really excited about the year on college hoops. NCAA basketball is without a doubt my favorite sport to cover and watch. It's full of intensity, passion and unbelievable atheticism. The other night I got the chance to see the University of Houston take on UMass in Amherst, Mass. I'm doing a feature for the Courant on Houston coach Tom Penders. The Connecticut native is approaching 600 victories. His career will be remembered as both a successful and controversial one. I'll post the link to that when it runs. The game was electric and I got to see it all from my prime seat -- in a corner in front of the pep band. Still, I was able to witness two programs who are rising back to the top of the college basketball world. The team's similar, run-and-gun styles made this one easy on the eyes. Houston led at the break by 11 but UMass took it to the schoolyard in the second half and won by 95-89. One play, Luke Bonner's putback jam, made ESPN's top-10 plays the next day.



I was able to watch a little bit of today's Kansas/BC game. I think we all saw what we already knew...Kansas is filthy this year. If that team really gels down the stretch, there's nothing they won't be able to do.



Obviously, being in Connecticut, UConn is, has been, and always will be my team...no matter how much they piss me off. I won't be getting so mad at this year's team though. They've got a lot of experience back and Doug Wiggins, A.J. Price and Jerome Dyson make up a good guard rotation. Hasheem Thabeet is a little better offensively, but surprisingly not as good defensively as he was last season. Stanley Robinson is the X-factor for this team. If they want to get anything done in the Big East this year, he's got to really step it up on a consistent basis. He played like an NBA All-Star against Maine right before Christmas. Yes, it was against Maine, but he really showed how dominant he can be if he puts his mind to it. Let's hope Robinson can keep it together down the stretch. The Huskies have a tough one tonight against Notre Dame. They beat Seton Hall in their Big East opener the other night.